In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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