I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
