SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
