If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize