Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
