If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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