I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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