You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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