Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
