As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
