I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
