the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
