I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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