I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
