I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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