new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
