Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Drunk is not a location!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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