All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
