Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
