Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
