I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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