Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize