I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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