Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
