I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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