My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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