end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
