Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
