question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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