covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Your dad touched me again.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
