Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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