You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
