remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
