If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
MIDGETS
????
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize