Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
