I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
