grandma shit on top of the toilet
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
did you just send me my own nude
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
