I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
