hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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