i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
