I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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