it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
