i will never coherently bang her
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
