dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
my liver is dry heaving
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
