I'm lost and stupid without you.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
