it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Randomize
