we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize