If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
