it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
