OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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