so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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