so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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