I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize