your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
