just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
