This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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