just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
