Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
And then he peed in my hair
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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