new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
