great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
