no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
did i walk over a car last night?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
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