Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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