All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
