it was like his penis was on wheels.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
