i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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