Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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