I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
